I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
