Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
