Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
