Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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