This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
