what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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