Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
