Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
