Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
