hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize