i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
