and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
