we have pet lesbian snakes
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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