The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the night ended with taco bell and tears
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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