On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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