im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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