Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
