come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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