so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
