You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
