For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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