Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
