okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
