I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
