It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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