How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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