hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
