how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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