the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
