1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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