That's when you crack a 10am beer
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
