Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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