God, you're like boner-b-gone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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