So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's official drugs can't kill me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
