Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
