you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
