i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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