OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize