It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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