I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
