come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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