He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
