is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
