So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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