Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
