I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drunk is not a location!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
