I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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