My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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