Duck Duck Cougar?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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