Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
