Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
