My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
