i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
