I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
