I just saw a hot homeless man
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
