sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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