i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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