Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
