No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
