We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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