chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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