and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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