At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
