He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
