In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
