I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
