never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
