why didn't you poke me back
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
