On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Every concussion has its silver lining
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
