My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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