I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
