it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
