I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
