At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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