i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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