So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
