i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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