my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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