I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
