seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize