My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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