I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
