i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
