After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
