found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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