yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just cut my nipple shaving
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
