I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize