theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
