wrigley field is MILF paradise
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
