Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize