My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
