38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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