508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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