Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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