Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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