Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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