I think my vagina is haunted
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
